In high school, I went to an all girls school and as such, we HAD to take sewing in Grade 9. I sucked - I sewed together a leg of the shorts I was making. One thing I remember was my little tomato - my tomato pin cushion. It was super cute and now, I feel as though I understand the tomato so much more...
I long ago discovered I have 2 unfortunate conditions I guess you would call it (although that seems a little extreme) - I have teeny baby veins and those babies are buried deep. As in, I have had years of phlebotomists poking me and prodding me and 98% of the time, they are not gentle. Of course, I have developed what I think is a healthy fear of needles - if something hurts you A LOT 98% of the time, you'd be scared too!!
Fast forward and I'm pregnant. Turns out the doctor wants your blood all the time. Check for this, that, and that other thing too and then do it all again in a few weeks.
First though is that pesky initial screening. Drink lots of water all day so I have happy juicy (hopefully) veins. Off I go to Calgary Lab Services with my handy scheduled appointment. Start the deep breathing. Open the door and notice my hands are a little clammier than when I got out of the car. Wow, they called me already? My appointment's not for 15 minutes. Breathe deeper.
Hello nice tiny little Asian phlebotomist. Explain I have a slight fear of needles. She tells me no problem, she's been doing it for 15 years. Elastic band around right arm - tap tap, needle seized and plunged into the crick of my elbow. Actually feel it move and I swear the vein ran away from her. "Oh that no work." No fucking kidding.
Elastic band around left arm - warm compress this time, then tap, tap, tap and in the needle goes! Tears are welling up and I swear this is some sort of torture to see if I can possibly endure labour and then my worst fear - "That no work either. Gimme your hand." THIS is 15 years experience?!? Maybe I'd do better with 15 minutes experience because at least that person would feel something about hurting me!
Motherf*. Hand hurts the worst and this little Asian devil seems to be enjoying the infliction of pain. Along comes the warm compress (because that worked so spectacularly last time) and a double elastic around my wrist. "Oh dis vein looks good" and before I can even turn my head away, in goes another friggin' needle. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW don't vomit don't vomit don't vomit
Two vials filled, I get thrown a cup to pee in and a third cotton ball on my third owwie.
Gee, pregnancy is turning out to be so fun and just think, I get to come back in 3 weeks. Well, at least I still get to be nauseous all the time.
God, I already miss vodka.
Hilarious!!!!
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