Ah the nuchal ultrasound - a little peace of mind for us "at-risk" mommies-to-be. Shan, you say, what do you mean you, at-risk? Well you see, apparently in the world of baby having, over 35 = bad. All pregnancy books list things to do and not to do and mention often, "unless you are over 35" - it seems I'm the pregnancy equivalent of drinking from a carton of milk past the expiry date (don't pretend like you never have - a quick sniff and down the hatch).
So being "OLD" for baby rearing means they have to check for genetic abnormalities just in case one of my old eggs got fertilized and is now doing all sorts of nasty genetic stuff, like spina bifida and Down's Syndrome.
To be able to see the baby pretty good, you have to drink a couple glasses of water an hour before your ultrasound. Well dammit, I had to chug-a-lug my whole bottle of water at my physical so I could pee in a cup! Off to Mac's to buy some more water. Hmm... doctors appointment is done by just after 9 and my ultrasound isn't scheduled until 10:45. I'll just go early, maybe they can squish me in. Crap, I better chug-a-lug this water too because already emptied my bladder for the "cup".
Drive off to the ultrasound place, and mention to the nice receptionist, that yes, I know I'm here at 9:30 and my appointment isn't for over an hour. Is there any way of me getting in early? She goes and talks to the technician and comes back and tells me, make sure you're back here by 10, sit over there, and you should be in early. Thank God I brought a book.
Ten am and I'm sitting in my designated spot. Crack open book. Damn this is a good book. Try to get into book and ignore the growing discomfort in my bladder region. Must have full bladder so baby can't hide from the tech.
Suddenly a girl comes over and asks if I'm pregnant and under 20 weeks. I say yes and she launches into this big sales pitch of a speech, basically trying to get me to be a part of some study she's doing at the university. I hear blah blah blah, as she's distracting me from distracting myself from my full bladder. I nod in what I think are the right spots, take the pamphlet and back to my book. Maybe I better check the time. Interesting, it's 10:20. Can't pee, must hold it. Must be going in any minute now.
Read more book. Shift uncomfortably in my seat. Should've worn a Poise pad in case of leakage. Look at time - 10:45. Hmmm... This is starting to hurt a little. Read more book - concentrate REALLY hard... look at time - 11:05.
Okay that's it. Get up and walk painfully and very gently over to the receptionist. Another one of those look-I'm-smiling-sweetly-but-secretly-I-want-scream looks and say, hey remember me? You said I could get in early at 10? It's now 11:20 and my actual appointment was at 10:45? My bladder is so full I could use it as a flotation device.
She goes to the back, tells me to wait and then the ultrasound tech comes out and finally calls my name. Into the little room and EEEEP cold gel. She starts to push on my tummy and I'm closing my eyes, trying to think of mind over matter, as if I'm in the Kung Fu Panda movie or something like that. Then she informs me, the bladder's too full. Hands me another cup, and tells me to pee out 3 of those cups and then I'll be good.
Dammit once you start... do my damnedest, I think I got closer to 4 but back in the room and now it's all good - more EEEP cold gel, and pushing on my tummy.
She starts pounding the ultrasound mallet thing into my gut - WTF?!? After about the 8th jab, I say is something wrong? Oh the baby is facing the wrong way. Trying to get it to turn around. Uh, anything I can do? 4 or 5 more jabs, and the tech tells me to cough and there we go - baby flips. Could've told you that one - you try to force my baby to do something and she/he's gonna fight you. Get the measurements and finally to the bathroom... nice.
All the test results come back, and get called into a room with a nurse. This seems ominous. Get told the chances of having a baby with Down's Syndrome is 1 in 155 because I'm old. WHAT?! With those odds, I would buy a lottery ticket! Then she looks at my results and says, oh, but you're good - chance of 1 in 4000 and something.
Oh lady, you are so lucky that I am so relieved to have finally peed again or I would've had to hurt you.
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