When I found out I was pregnant, I was pseudo-prepared for a lot of the things I've gone through thanks to many friends who preceded me and television. I knew that my back would be sore, and having double D's most of my adult life, I figured big deal. Like that's gonna be anything new. Oh pregnancy, you little prankster, you.
In my first trimester, my back and neck mostly hurt because I sat and slept in any position that would keep me from losing my lunch and I can almost guarantee that somewhere, a chiropractor sensed my discomfort and bought a new car based on my future chiro spending. Oh well, I thought, I knew that this wasn't gonna be a cakewalk (as an aside, could someone somewhere please invent a cakewalk? You know, I'm out, going for a walk in the fresh air to be healthy but interspersing said walk with cake stations? Pregnancy makes my dreams really vivid and this dream made me REALLY happy).
On to the 2nd trimester... back more sore. Go to a massage therapist in Regina, this big guy. He has a table that has a big hole for my tummy to hang out in, but one small problem... or I should say, me being small was the problem. You see, at only 5'1", I am slightly vertically challenged. So there I go onto the massage table, making sure little baby Tilly gets to hang down and chillax in the baby belly hole and then as I lie down the rest of the way... my face ends up in the uncomfortable "seam" of the metal table and the face part so my nose is getting squished and breathing is a little difficult, compared to say, breathing underwater. Get a couple little towels and attempt to MacGyver up a forehead rest so I don't suffocate, which would be counterintutive of the whole massage to make me feel better thing.
Time to get down to business. Tell him I hurt - this guy looks like he may moonlight as a amateur wrestler a la Nacho Libre - and he nods and starts in on me. Holy SHIT - how did I get a knot in the side of my knee?! OMG, that knot in the middle of my right calf somehow just shot up to my left shoulder. Flip me over. Yes, my neck hurts... I HAVE KNOTS IN MY COLLARBONE?! This is getting ridiculous. Go to see him a few times, but, with what I can assume is the amateur wrestler unspoken rule of conduct, he seems to hurt me more and more with every massage. Time to take a little break...
Now it's my 3rd trimester and Tilly is getting bigger and bigger, and with that, it's like she's moved from a 2 bedroom townhouse to a broom closet. With the growing comes growing discomfort. Now, wherever I drive and no matter if it's hot or not outside, the seatwarmers must always be on. Thank you electric heating pad... I love you Lush bubblebath so I can try to soak the knots away (although as another aside, even though this one feels best, getting out of the tub is akin to trying to self-pedicure or put on socks. It ain't pretty)
Been trying reflexology but when I'm honest with myself, I don't think it's really helping much anymore... I think I'm just more into having a half an hour foot rub. Decide to try another massage therapist in the same office. Talk to her and she's had 4 children - A HA! Someone who understands these pesky knots from both sides of the equation! Book in the massage thanks to the new and super fun back spasms and, dare I say it, occasional butt spasms (on the up side, now I really can talk like a New York jewish woman, complaining about my sciatica). She gives me a massge and I explain about the knee and collarbone knots. She nods and says something about there's a few more she'd like to check out...
I have more in my armpits and even my HAIR hurts. Yes, my hair. The hairline at the top of my neck. It's as if my hair is made of something that really really hurts that I can't think of. Not fair... The only other times I've had hurting hair, it ALWAYS involved some alcoholic overage, like vats of margaritas, barrels of sangria, or a picina of rum and coke (we actually did used to drink this when we worked in Mexico - should've come with a warning label)
So now, here I am... Trying to get comfortable is a full time job... On the upside, in the next couple weeks, from what I've heard / seen on television, I'll be so sleep deprived, I don't think I'll even notice the knots anymore. Yay?
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