You can't do that

First off, sorry for my tardiness in posting a new blog.  With moving and general sleepiness, all blogs I tried to write came out whiny / bitchy / completely senseless, so here I go with what I hope will be better...
I've discovered over the last month, and especially the last few weeks, that there are more and more things I can't do as a pregnant chick and while at first a few of them are kind of nice, it is starting to get  a little annoying.
Sure, right from the get go, I knew that my former life as an extreme BMX rider, kickboxer, skydiver and heli-snowboarder were over, but didn't realize the little things I would grow to miss.

1. Lifting stuff
At first, kind of cool when I'm very strictly told not to lift any boxes / heavy stuff.  For example, in the course of my move, Tyler loaded all my belongings up and down and up and down the stairs of our 3 story walk-up apartment.  I carried my purse and snacks.  Felt right.  Figured it was justified - I'm carrying our baby for 9 months - at least you can carry my 2 overstuffed suitcases and various other things I've deemed can't-live-without-able (like my cookbooks, 25 purses, and my stuffed ET doll I've had since the mid-80's - don't judge)
Then, starting a new job, it's started getting sort of inconvenient.  Water cooler's out of water. Search our office for a male - smile sweetly, ask him to leave his important work that I can tell he's right in the middle of, and ask him to change the jugs.  You see they are genuinely nice guys, and the pregnant lady did ask, so here they come to do it for me.  Ditto with changing the recycling bag, putting / taking t-shirt boxes out of my car, and reaching heavy stuff that was put on the top of my desk in 2001 by a nameless entity that I want to remove from the premises.  At least I can still lift the file folders.

2. Lying / Sleeping on my back
Never knew this one before. Apparently, when you lie completely flat on your back, it makes baby squish some kind of blood vessel and she doesn't get as much blood = bad.  I may already be a bad mommy, because I try really diligently to go to bed on my side (pillow between my legs, the beloved body pillow from my friend Cara wedged behind me like I'm in a trench in WWII).  Yet somehow, invariably, I wake up in the middle of the night (see point #3) with the leg pillow across the room and I have somehow managed to roll over the body pillow in steamboat fashion to be lying on my back. (Remember steamboat?  Sleepovers with your friends and just when everyone's asleep, someone screams "STEAMBOAT" at the top of their lungs and proceeds to roll across everyone on the floor? Also good to use when having to wake up your little brother on Christmas / Easter / any morning before he was bigger than you?)
Anyhoo, then when going back to sleep, reconstruct "The Trench" only to have it defeated again in the morning.  And now, at 22 weeks, the Tilly-meister is getting back at me because somehow, when I roll on my back, I can't catch my breath - it's like she's saying, cut off my blood, I'll cut off your air.  She's totally gonna be a badass and I haven't decided if I like that or not.

3. Sleeping through the night
This may be the thing I miss the most of all, those blissful nights and curling in a little ball on my tummy or back (both now forbidden), empty bladder and conking out for a magnificent 8-10 hours.  Tilly doesn't like to sleep that long - I think she gets bored and decides to see how she can mess with me.  Some of the wonderful pregnancy side effects seem to include back spasms (like she did a total round-house kick to my lower back followed by some elbows and maybe she even bit me), leg spasms (I suspect she's inherently learned some ancient Chinese medicine so she knows just how to move to make my foot / calve muscle / knee jerk and spasm), extreme body heat (maybe she's having a Zumba class in there?  2 fans on me and I feel like I'm in Mexico in July), and of course, the funnest of all, the need to pee - over and over.  I think she just gives my bladder a little nudge when she wants to get up and unless I want to start wearing adult diapers, up I get to relieve myself.

4. Everything else
Oh how the list can go on and on.  I miss people NOT touching my belly - a woman in Walmart that I've never seen and probably only know through 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon gave my belly a little pat.  WTF?  When did this become a lucky talisman that people rub before purchasing their weekly Lotto Max ticket?
Eating fish - my memories of delicious salmon, awesome sushi, and all other fishy dishes were awesome.  My new reality is that I find them and the smell grosser than used bandaids in a bowl of feces.  Sigh.
My shoes are sooooooo beautiful - so pretty that I bought little clear plastic show boxes for them to live in until I could wear them next.  Nowadays, my feet are looking a tad sausage like and putting on my heels makes me feel like I'm going to fall over - at least my 8 year old niece can still come and play with them (and she walks in them perfectly).

Okay, I should probably stop there - I have a much longer list, but if I keep going, you're going to probably say "Gee, I thought Shannon was going to try to make this post less whiny." and then you'll delete me on FB.
Besides I should probably go and have breakfast - without coffee or the now-horrendous smell of breakfast sausage - and because Tilly is kicking me in the bladder again...