It's me, not the hormones

Well, Tilly's decided that 2 am seemed like a good time to wake up on a Saturday morning, so here I am, wide awake just pondering Tilly-kins and stuff in general (like pizza - God, I love pizza).  Then I thought of something that has really been sticking in my craw (is that the right saying?  Well it is now.) - the fact that people seem to think pregnant women are all bundles of joy and anything that makes them a little upset MUST be the hormones.

Oh those nasty hormones.  As a girl, when we got our first visit from "Aunt Flo" (boys, I'm talking about our periods - get over it) not only did we have the new-found joy of wearing diaper-like apparatus stuck to our panties, but we had to shop for LOTS of black pants because you just never knew when a pad would slip and there you would be in math with leakage (and another thing boys - when we had / still have leakage, it's BLOOD contrary to the maxi pad commercial belief of blue liquid).

The other joyful thing was that when somebody (invariably you boys) did something insensitive / stupid / downright mean and we got mad and told you so, we didn't get the proper respect that our tirade deserved.  No... we got a newly teenaged boy taunting us with "Somebody's got PMS" - looking back they probably didn't know what those 3 ominous letters stood for, but they did know it was enough for us to get even more frustrated with them and give up on any rational conversation or interaction with them.

Yep, that damn PMS keeps following us and mostly men blaming said hormones for anything they do that we don't like. (Disclaimer - don't get made at Tyler for these - I dated manys a jerk long before I met him.  And I have a brother. And friends with manys a jerk as well)

- You're mad at me for going out all night, getting hammered, and puking ALL OVER your bathroom then asking you to make me breakfast while I'm hungover?  Must be PMS.
- You don't like that I used your credit card to buy this samurai sword with nunchuks that I used to break your lamp?  Must be PMS.
- You're jealous because I've "reconnected" with my super hot and single ex-girlfriend and we've been going for coffee / lunch weekly for the last 3 months?  We're just friends!  Must be PMS.
- You're strangling me because I ate the last Kit Kat? Must be... Okay, that one may be justified.

Now here's the kicker - being pregnant does have the upside of not even caring about tampons for 9 months and the PMS shadow is gone.  To unfortunately be replaced with not only men, but women too, saying, "Oh, she's mad about something (no matter how justified). Must be the hormones."

I feel like saying to these people - HAVE YOU MET ME BEFORE I WAS WITH CHILD?! And 99% of them have known me a long time - you would think long enough to know better, but...

Yes, I know the pregnancy-related waterworks are hormone related.  Sitting at the dinner table with my parents, laughing, with the news on in the background.  Then out of nowhere, a story about a boy giving half his liver to his mom to save her life and suddenly, there I am still laughing but there are tears POURING out of my eyes.  That is the hormones.

Telling people a story about my first week at my new job. I need to learn about using and updating the website.  Call our provider, set up a time, and long story short, he proceeds to leave me sit in his waiting room, being almost half an hour late for the meeting at HIS office made to fit HIS schedule. When he finally shows up with a lame half-assed apology, I inform him very calmly that this is not how I do business, that being late for a meeting with me shows complete disrespect and will not be tolerated and that next time, after a 5 minute wait, I will be leaving, with all future meetings happening at MY office and finally, that I will not be paying for this training session as he's already used up a quarter of it being late.  I then shake his hand and get down to business for an hour and a half, without mentioning it again.

What do I hear?  Stick to your guns! Good for you for not putting up with that! Way to listen to Oprah and show people how you expect and deserve to be treated. NOPE.  Gee, those hormones sure are kicking in - glad I don't have to work for you while you're pregnant.  Did the world seem to think that I became Mary F*ing Poppins the second Tilly was created inside me?!  I wouldn't have put up with this when I wasn't pregnant so why am I expected to now?!

Funny thing is, when people blame the hormones for something very-not hormone related, it's as if it sets said hormones off like illegal fireworks on a beach while houseboating - they go every which way and are very dangerous.  I use every ounce of willpower I have (which is a lot without the usual fortifier of vodka) not to scream, scratch their eyes out, and punch them through a door like a Jason Statham movie while gargling the cry that Zena Warrior Princess used to do before she kicked ass.

Instead I smile sweetly, dig my fingernails into my palms to the point of verging on piercing the skin, and walk away with some lame excuse like needing to go to the washroom.

All I gotta say is if you actually think that whatever I'm doing IS caused by hormones, keep it to yourself or the last thing you'll hear is Zena while being taken down by nunchuks.