This Friday is it. THE ultrasound... THE one that everyone asks about - we're finding out what flavour of baby is sucking all the nutrients from my body like a cute little parasite.
Will I be inundated with pink, bows, and frills - either for a girl or fag hags and fellow lovers of 'Glee' trying to ensure that my boy will love show tunes and be excellent at coordinating an outfit?
Will it be blue, along with trucks, GI Joes, and footballs for an impending boy or girl that will kick ass and fix my car?
And then there's the name question... Yes, the names are picked out. And no, I'm not naming my child after you, your pet, a piece of fruit, or spelling some word in reverse to try to make up a name (did you know that a big one a few years back was Nevaeh? Blech..........)
As for the surprise... I've already heard it - what do you mean you're finding out?!? Don't you want the surprise when you're in the waiting room? It makes the birth that much more exciting!
Here is my answer to that - I've already had enough surprises, thank you very much.
Surprise #1: peeing on a Clear Blue Easy stick and a plus sign showing up... Especially since I never missed a period (welome to the world of implantation bleeding and spotting) Almost lost my dinner on that one.
Surprise #2: Just HOW sick you get while pregnant - I actually did lose my dinner a few times and for over 3 months, constantly felt like I was going to... Whoopee, surprises are so fun!
Surprise #3: The ineptitude of a select few members of the medical field in Canada - a medical intern not being able to read test results and a phlebotomist pricking me repeatedly like an acupuncture treatment gone bad.
Surprise #4: The fact that at a very young feeling 37, I am considered an "at-risk" pregnancy for no reason other than I am 37. Are you kidding? I'm awesome and the baby will be fine - at least I'm no longer the dumbass I was at 20 (admit it - we were all dumbasses at 20)
Surprise #5: Pregnancy induced narcolepsy - I have never been a big napper, but I'm scared to drive in rush hour traffic... If I stop too long, I may be lulled to sleep by the soft sounds coming from my radio and the gentle vibrations of the car engine
Surprise #6: Baby makes me want to eat like I'm in college again. Cravings? Only 2 - peanut butter and banana on toast and pepperoni and bacon Pizza Pops. Seriously baby? Sometime I would like a juicy steak, but oh no, you want a pizza pop?!
Surprise #7: Last week I went to bed. Happened to look down and there were my feet. Woke up the next morning. Somehow, overnight, my feet have disappeared under my belly. Looks like baby's renos of my uterus have moved on to the next stage of expansion...
Surprise #8: This one was a very happy one. Go to Walmart. Parking lot is insane (like usual). Driving around and spot an oasis - the expectant mother / young family parking spot RIGHT next to the handicapped spot. Zip in, get a nasty look from a woman walking by UNTIL I step out and show off the belly. Pregnancy may have a few perks after all...
Now when can I get the expectant mother discount on my PB and Pizza Pops? Do I need a card or something?
Not trying to be a downer AT ALL, but you might want to be prepared for the surprise that I and so many others I know have experienced when baby gives you the big FU and refuses to show the goods.
ReplyDeleteHowever, given that you are a "geriatric pregnancy" as I've heard it referred to by the medical society at large (SERIOUSLY?!?! that's bonkers!), there's a likelihood that you will be privy to another ultrasound and thus another chance to see the goods should your baby be stubborn the first time. And there's always those babymoon places, I suppose.
Congrats again Shannon! Fun to read it and not have to be going through it again myself ;)
HAHAHAHAHA - I love it - geriatric pregnancy... Makes me feel like I should go for an early bird special down at Smitty's...
ReplyDeleteI've been doing all the yoga poses I can to make baby flip around, because being my baby, it TOTALLY would try to hide the goods on me, you know, just to be a little bugger...
Good luck with your pregnancy too! At least we have great parking for the duration...
So funny Shannon! Good luck on the 'viewing'. I craved pb and banana and ramen soup, so feel lucky... at least pizza pops are a step up!
ReplyDeleteOMG - I totally craved PB and banana too!! hahaha too funny! And kraft dinner - not so funny cuz it always shot right through me...damn packaged cheese powder. :) Here's hoping the goods will be on display!
ReplyDeleteWHAATTT??? How did I just hear about this? Am I that out to lunch?? And re: the 'geriatric pregnancy', when I had my little one, I was 36, and apparently I was an 'elderly primigravida' (really old for a first time mom in Latin)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and so surprised! And a girl - SOOOOO fun! Congrats Shannon, truly! Please let's have our little ones meet someday?? Toronto ain't that far... or we could do a road trip through the 'Vag' as you call it, on our way to Calgary??
Sarah xoxo