Is this pregnancy or prison?

So being a newly pregnant woman with a ton of snow outside, I did what anyone would do - I started googling.

1. What can't a pregnant woman eat?
There's the obvious ones - no alcohol or caffeine.  Duh.
For the rest, could I get some consistency?  Eat fish, but not too much fish - too much mercury and definitely no delicious, soy sauce and wasabi drenched sushi.  
Eat fruit but not too much tropical fruit and not too much juice or you'll get gestational diabetes - oh wow, more needles. How fun. 
Eat veggies but some will make you extra special in the gaseous fumes department. 
No hot dogs (unfortunately, no buts - my inner 5 year old loves hot dogs). 
Soft cheeses - bu-bye my beloved brie and camembert (mind you, since I can't have the accompanying wine, what's the point?). 
Meat has to be cooked to medium well - okay for most stuff but talk about making a delicious slab of cow unappetizing.
Eggs seem okay... wait!  No runny yolks?!?  No sampling of raw cookie dough batter?!? Blasted.

2. What to do about nausea when pregnant?
Ginger, flat gingerale, peppermint, baths... So in the groundbreaking world of pre-natal research, you don't know why I'm sick and your only solutions are the same ones my mom and grandma have given me for upset tummies since I was a kid.  Gee thanks.

3.  Boy or a girl?
This looks like it may be kind of fun - an old wive's tale quiz to tell me what the sex is going to be!  I know, it really doesn't mean much, but what the hell?  Craving salty - my usual chocolate bars out the window (I apologize to share holders in Kit Kats as your stock prices are going to drop substantially), Nauseous all the time, yes, no, yes, no, maybe, boobs are the same size - press the results button... 50% chance of a boy, 50% chance of a girl.  Does that mean I'm having a hermaphrodite?!?

I hate to say it, but Google is letting me down. I'm even more confused and now I'm concerned about hermaphrodites.  Maybe I should just go have some pizza.